I know I promised not to torture anybody with this anymore, but I haven’t been able to put it down.
O faithful Christians far and wide
Let Joy burst forth and sing
For there is at the Father’s side
A Prophet, Priest and King!
Sing of the Prophet of the Lord
Whose word is just and pure,
Who calls to men of all the world,
“Believe, obey, endure!”
Now in the Holy Place He stands,
The Lamb of God, The Christ!
From us, His perfect blood demands
A perfect sacrifice.
Then to our Ruler, Monarch, King
The Victor of us all
Let ev’ry heart high honor bring,
And low before Him fall.
This may not be Shakespeare, but it is better. Joy is personified in verse one and we end up with stronger verbs (burst and sing). Also, in verse 1 Christ "is" at the Father's side instead of the past tense "sent". That is probably better theologically since He is currently seated “at the right hand of the Majesty on high” as Hebrews says.
Verse two starts with "sing" instead of the more pedestrian "He is".
The third verse uses the repetition of “perfect” to emphasize the magnitude of the sacrifice required. It is not perfect in the same sense that Christ's sacrifice was perfect, but perfect as in complete, or total. As Jesus said “deny self, take up your cross and follow Me.” You don't hang onto any past sins. It is also a reference to Old Testament sacrifice where the meaning includes the thought “without blemish”.
The phrase "Victor of us all" needs to stay. We are conquered! It should make you think of passages like Eph 4:8, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.
Now, that is about as far as I believe I can go. Some have asked about writing hymns and I hope this illustrates the process just a bit. Although some like Wesley could pop out reams of verse without breaking a sweat, for most it takes hard work, study, meditation and prayer. It makes you appreciate the beauty of the Psalms in a whole new way!